


Unrequited

by Darth_Darling



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Angst, Hurt No Comfort, Lance (Voltron) Angst, Maybe not all of it, Mental Breakdown, Mental Health Issues, Multi, Self-Harm, Self-Worth Issues, Unrequited Love, but most
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-22
Updated: 2018-08-22
Packaged: 2019-06-30 22:55:34
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,422
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15761406
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Darth_Darling/pseuds/Darth_Darling
Summary: Falling in love alone sucks. Being too shitty to fall in love with sucks more.





	Unrequited

For all the crushes he’s ever had, no one had ever liked Lance back.

 

The odds of having someone return your feelings is just improbable anyways, right? How do people even fall in love with each other? Was there ever a happy ever after when you slowly admire someone? Probably not, thought that was probably for the best. It was better if he was alone, unable to trap someone in his miserable existence. On top of being stupid and unskilled, he was chronically depressed, and more or less addicted to using self-harm as a coping mechanism.

 

Lance once again found himself falling in love alone. How convenient. Everyone knew that Lance has a crush on Allura, what they didn’t know that it was very strongly in the past, and that she wasn’t the only one he silently held affections for. It was obvious from the get go she found him repulsive, if her comments about his ears were anything to go by. She found him annoying, and obnoxious, and while his feelings were true for at least a while, he let it go once he realized she would never like him back. It was probably for the best. Even though his attempts at flirting were all empty, she still brutally shot him down like she barely knew him, and her insults quickly became cuts on his thighs.

 

After that he gaze trailed to others. He had always thought about Hunk sometimes when he was alone in bed, imaging a version of them living domestically, cuddling in bed and cooking together. He knew Hunk was straight, and found someone of his own in Shay, but the fantasy still came and went. He was the only crush that Lance never felt the urge to hurt himself over, despite being the one he knew the most would never happen. Hunk was always kind to him, he was always a good friend. Their love would never be romantic, but that didn’t mean it didn’t exist. Or at least that’s how he used to feel. Hunk was slowly slipping away the longer they stayed in space, and Lance couldn’t help but to think he might be better off for it.

 

Keith was someone that he didn’t think he’d fall for. He was always trying to go for the rival angle, but Keith never bit. He was always too good and would never see him as an equal. He was a better student, a better pilot, and a better Paladin. He would never hold a place in his heart, and Lance forced himself to forget about it. Lance never cut himself on his arms before falling for Keith, but their numerous heated arguments always left Lance teetering on the edge, and in need of something more painful to help shock him into keeping his head above water.

 

And then there was Shiro. He was strong and handsome, a leader, and really funny when he let himself relax and slip out of his “Head of Voltron” mode. Loads of people admired him. Even more Lance knew he was gay. Him and Adam were practically the power couple of the Garrison before breaking up. Lance pined for too long, wondering if he ever had a chance. It was obvious however that he had his favorites. Pidge and Keith were easily the ones he gravitated too, with Pidge being Matt’s sister, and Keith practically his brother, Lance was just a paladin. It got even worse after they found him. Lance didn’t know what he had done, only that Shiro really hated him now, shutting him down constantly at meetings. His feelings died quickly afterwards, though his need to cut continued as Shiro belittled him more and more.

 

Then there was Nyma, and Rolo a little too, and the mermaids, and Matt, and the Blades. He’d even considered Coran, although he wasn’t so self-destructive that he let himself wander down that rabbit hole for long, slapping himself in the face for daring for even a second to think it. All fleeting, all pointless, all unrequited. Leading him to where he was now, with a new person to be the object of his cursed affections.

 

“What’s the matter, jealous?” Pidge teased, jolting Lance out of his thoughts. “You should give it up. Allura is totally into Lotor.”

 

“Nah, I still have a chance!” Lance forced a grin. “Why would she fall for a guy like Lotor anyways?”

 

“Why would she fall for a guy like you?” Ouch. He tried not to falter.

 

“Whatever, Pidge, go be a Negative Nancy somewhere else,” Lance shooed. Pidge just huffed.

 

“Just trying to help, don’t want you to get mopey over some dumb crush,” Pidge rolled her eyes. “Have fun being miserable.”

 

“You know it!” Lance finger gunned and winked back. Pidge groaned in response and scampered off, retrieving whatever it was that she needed from his hiding space. He turned away from her and back to his newest crush. Smart, powerful, beautiful, charming… Long white hair, smooth skin, a silky voice…

 

What wasn’t there to like about Lotor? He was interesting and mysterious, but smart and kind. He truly wanted to fix the Galra Empire, and work with Voltron to finally establish peace in the galaxy. Even though he didn’t joke very often, when he did he was quite funny, and Lance often couldn’t help holding in his giggles. He was also handsome, so very handsome. Lotor was everything Lance wished he could be. Tall, strong, powerful, beautiful, great hair, sexy voice, the ability to command a room, the list could go on. Lance was falling hard and fast.

 

Was there a chance that Lotor could return those feelings? Absolutely not! It was pretty obvious that most of his attention was on Allura. After all she was the Altean Princess, a piece of the culture he desperately wanted to be a part of. They spent the most time together as well. Lotor didn’t even know he existed, though that is what Lance wanted. If Lotor didn’t know anything about him, then Lance’s imagination couldn’t misconstrue anything about their interactions, feeding into his silly delusions of romance.

 

Lotor looked up from the paper he was working on with Allura, locking eyes with him from across the lab.

 

Fuck. Lance dropped down behind some crates, slapping a hand over his mouth to contain his gasp.

 

“What is it?” he head Allura ask him. “Is someone there?” Lance dropped to his hands and knees and go out as quickly as possible. He really didn’t want to hear what Lotor had to say.

 

Stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid!!!

 

He must have looked like a total fucking creep, just standing there staring. No wonder no one fucking liked him. He was a total fucking weirdo. It made Lance want to tear his skin off and light it on fire. Why was he like this? Why was he such a fucking charmless idiot?

 

He should die.

 

Idiot, useless, ugly, die, die, die, die, worthless, stupid, annoying, die, die, die, cut, suffer, ugly, pointless, idiot, seventh wheel, hurt, hurt, die, obnoxious, hideous, cursed, alone, alone, alone, alone, don’t want to be alone, stupid, stupid, stupid, meaningless, pointless, lonely, worthless, whore, ugly, die, cut, die, waste of space, waste of air, waste of food, waste of Voltron, waste, die, stupid, stupid, die, idiot, ugly, ugly, useless, unlovable, unfuckable, undesirable, ugly, annoying, slut, die, die, DIE!

 

And here he was again on his bathroom floor, tears  on his face, and blood on his arms and legs. The knife he had taken from the kitchen hanging limply in his right hand.

 

Ah.

 

 

It happened again.

 

Lance let his head roll back as the feeling of light-headedness continued to wash over him. It was fucked up, he was fucked up. He needed to get up, pull himself back together, and pretend it was okay. The galra could attack any minute, he couldn’t go out to fight like this, much less leave the room. He couldn’t find the energy to get up, only enough to strengthen his grip on the knife.

 

Maybe a little bit longer would be okay. As long as no one loved him enough to check up, he could always linger just a bit more.

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> Whoop, I had a mood. Sorry Lance!
> 
> I have half a mind to write a follow up with Lotor, he probably deserves it.


End file.
